Doom

Impending doom. That is the feeling plaguing members of my family and assorted friends. For some of them, the big craziness that is loose in the world just got a little too close to home, touching someone they know and knocking them out of play. That, “There, but for the grace of god….” feeling. Others are afraid of making that fatal misstep. The one that causes them to slide, willy-nilly, down that slippery slope to disaster, crushing the “hollow egg” (http://postalice.wordpress.com/2013/05/15/hold-on-loosely/) they are carrying. The rest of them, I think, have just fallen into the habit of dreading the onrushing changes life flings into your path. No longer able to leap spryly over the random obstacles they fear them for their potential to show off this lack of agility. My friends are afraid of being found wanting. Of not “measuring up” or being able to “carry their end” any longer. They are afraid the bogey man is going to get them. I’m not, anymore.
The bogey man already got me. The unthinkable happened. You read about that stuff in magazines, and you say, “Oh, how awful! Those poor people.” and then you turn the page. Except I couldn’t. Turn the page. I was ON the page. One of those terrible, sad, magazine things, was happening all around me. Never having been either spry or graceful, I had no choice but to slog on through. For a year and a half, I slogged. Then she died. My daughter. The earth stood still. Time stopped. The howling wolves broke down the farmhouse door and ate the brave farmer and his family. Madness ruled the world. And I knew for sure that the big craziness could get me, too. It had, and yet here I was, still standing, after a fashion. Still breathing. Still aching.
So. I know, beyond any shadow of doubt, that doom is survivable. That I can survive it. That the end of the world, in fact, isn’t. It is just the end of life as we know it. Life as we don’t know it, springs up and after a while, becomes, in its own turn, normal. Damocles’ sword has fallen, and it only severed an arm. I’ve had my trial by fire and have passed the test. I no longer fear doom. Lacking that fear I never see his looming, impending specter anymore. He spends his time more profitably, on other, braver people. For you see, lacking fear, I am no longer courageous. That is for those who continue despite their fear. That’s ok. I know that I can BE brave, if I have to. I’m gonna save it for then. I hope I don’t ever have to use it.

Advertisements

8 Comments

  1. leafstrewngirl said,

    May 15, 2013 at 5:39 pm

    I’m sorry for your loss, Witchy. How horrible this had to have been. And how brave of you to write about it. This IS a courageous post, an example of what we all should do. Write bravely.

    • witchyluck said,

      May 15, 2013 at 6:06 pm

      This post occupies the edges and the margins of everything I write. That day has done much to shape all the days after it. Today I just decided to put it out there. Thank you for your comment.

  2. leafstrewngirl said,

    May 15, 2013 at 7:41 pm

    Your doing that inspires other people to do so…which isn’t easy, since things like this are painful to write. Yet, they are the things that are most worth reading. I admire you for it.

  3. Sabrina Glidden said,

    May 15, 2013 at 10:21 pm

    Thanks for sharing these thoughts, unique and thought-provoking.

  4. melanie said,

    May 20, 2013 at 12:49 pm

    I read Alice’s post yesterday. So many thoughts but the words wouldn’t come. You just said it…..or wrote it. I see “Maxine” and I know where “she” gets her grit 🙂

    • witchyluck said,

      May 20, 2013 at 5:07 pm

      thank you. The words are there sweetie. All you have to do is open the box. hugs.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: